You've been hurt, you've felt abandoned and now, your guard is up. So you exercise your discernment and strengthen your backbone. Some will tell you that you have trust issues, while others echo the affirmation that you are only recognizing a behavior that once hurt you and deciding that you'll be damned if you go through something similar again.
How can you recognize that you're carrying wounds from the past into the future? Get to know yourself. Being aware and alert of yourself and others does not mean that you are walking in a victim mentality but rather, preventing another fall.
- If you get very easily attached to people right after meeting them and things escalate quickly
- if you get jealous easily and feel insecure because you don't feel worthy of love deep down
- if you tend to attract people who are emotionally unavailable and closed down
- If you people please because you fear that those people will leave if you don't make them happy
- If you fear getting "too close" with someone because you think they might leave you
- If you struggles to trust and always look for things to confirm your suspicion of why you shouldn't trust, then you have abandonment wounds requiring healing.
Want to know my open yet healing wounds? I still fear getting "too close" with someone because I think they might leave me.
Whether it is because they've abused me or negatively impacted my life in some other way, or leave by death. In the past three years, I've been able to collect friends like none other. I have a large group of amazing ladies that I consider the best of friends who love so well and whom I trust would never abandon me and who I wish never to abandon. As I carry on in healing, I believe this will impact my relationships with men. That's where my issue and wound lies.
I know this about myself. I know having hope for my relationships (especially romantic relationships) is a sensitive area and so I remain aware and find accountability and professional support.
My goal is that this wound would be a wound healed and that I would respond to it by fighting it rather than accepting it as mine. This means that while I pursue psychotherapy and EMDR, I practice being the standard of a friendship I wish for others to use on me. I will teach people how to treat me by example and I will not stay around for those toxic relationships but I will remain loyal to the golden friendships.
What will you do if you recognize a bad habit or harsh mentality since you've been hurt? Will you accept it and receive wise counsel? Will you recognize it and practice responding to the hurt in a way that propels you rather than paralyzes you?
When we focus on the good, the good only gets better. It's how I've made great friendships with amazing people. It's how I've developed amazing connections with kind, determined and remarkable people. It is how I am a hard working entrepreneur and college student at the same time. I couldn't do this if paralyzed by what happened to me.
Still, to recognize what has happened to you and that it can still sensitize you is wise. Sure, you do not need to go around as a poster child for your abuse still, those close to you ought to know your triggers and sensitivities by these wounds. This way, they can support you well and be held to a standard off the bat that keeps you in their best intentions.
What will you do with the hurt? How will you accept healing for that wound?