There's a place we go to when we are unsure, afraid or losing control. I call it "What If City". I've noticed, in myself and friends, that we've been unable to get close enough to answering our own questions, leaving us in the dark.
What if I can't pay my bills?
What if I can't sleep soundly again?
What if he/she breaks up with me?
What if they think this about me?
My encouragement is to answer your question with two scenarios. When we can provide to realistic options, we are no longer in the dark and we are able to use the power of our imagination to see clearly again.
What if I can't pay my bills? If I can't pay my bills I can ask family and friends for help/an advance OR I can tell my boss my situation and concerns honestly and work on getting more hours.
What if I can't sleep soundly again? I can learn more about it. Is this by medication? PTSD? Anxiety? I can find a professional who can help me sleep well again.
What if he/she breaks up with me? If he/she breaks up with me, I will be okay. I will miss them, I will grieve what we had and I will continue doing what I love with the friends that I have AND/OR I can now think of what being single would be like. The time I gave this person, I can now give myself. How will I use that time?
What if they think this about me? If they do not see me the way I want to see myself or that my loved ones see me, then they do not get my time or energy. We maybe are not meant to be friends AND/OR I will lean in closer to the relationships that do think well of me and never mind those that don't.
What is fact? What is your truth? What is the reality of the situation? It isn't always easy to escape the fear that things will only get worse. This is why having a support system is extremely important.
This is where honesty and transparency is gold. Who are the people you will decide to be transparent with? Who are the people you will invite into your weakness so that they can illuminate your strengths? This is important! This is a must. Finances won't always be consistent or stable, relationships ride rollercoasters, we lose people to thicker boundaries or death; people need people in these times.
One of my best friends and I utilize social media for this reason. She and I both struggle with Level 9/10 anxiety from PTSD. Our friendship has grown closer and we are now celebrating a 5-year strong friendship where we've allowed each other to cry, feel angry, mope, grieve and be repetitive about pain and unfair things. We are transparent on social media with our posts.
On Instagram, we utilize the private Story posts (shared with your select list of "Close Friends") to show when we need prayer, affirmation or quality time because the anxiety beast is back. Sometimes we post a video or share what's really going on. All the while, everyone else sees only your strength and Pinterest Perfect life.
So long as you're being real with people who love you unconditionally, that's ok! Find the people who will challenge you positively and with grace and patience as you leave What If City with peace and clarity.