Unrequited & Conditional

Updated: Sep 26, 2019

She opened up to me, trembling. She'd given her heart out before, hoping someone wanted to keep it well. Trusting that her discernment wasn't always 100% off, she gave her heart to people she truly thought desired to care for it again after again. She's the most kind, beautiful person inside and out. I see that in her! She is selfless and talented. Hell, she even loves to cook. She has a beautiful voice with hair every girl is jealous of. Yet, she finds love unrequited again after again.

What do you do when you learn your judgement was off or trust was given too soon? Why is it that we can seem so attractive until we let our guard down and become vulnerable, transparent, honest?

Her story made me think. Her concern made me begin to problem solve. Do we really need to dumb ourselves down or numb our honest feelings for certain amounts of time so that someone can maintain the high of a chase? What happens when the feelings are mutual then? Does it fade sooner than later?

My hope for anyone who enters her life and mine too, is that she would connect so well with only the people who also want to be seen, understood and feeling a sense of belonging even as they are unapologetically honest and themselves.

Another friend of mine, she's blind. As I watch a Netflix show called "In The Dark", I obviously think of Lauren. She was shot in the head while driving her abusive ex-boyfriend around. He then took his own life. Lauren was left in the dark. With more damage done to her than your regular blind gal, Lauren lost friendships, her sense of smell, a large percentage of her ability to taste, her nursing career and even the respect and nurturing she needs from her mother. She is a hero of mine. When I complain about being a double major in college with all I'm doing, then Lauren steps up as an A student double majoring while blind and working a full-time job without the support she needs...then I fell pretty dumb.

The thing I find most refreshing with Lauren is that she's real. She's honest. She doesn't hide her weaknesses or excuse them, she amplifies her strengths and cares for people in ways she wishes she could still be cared for by people.

As soon as it becomes obvious that she's not perfect and cannot be fully independent, there comes the numbing. People carry on. It's easier that way because now, no one has to consider someone beyond themselves, beyond their own needs. This way, no one has to be as vulnerable with someone more free than most of us. She sees differently. She can feel when someone is smiling by hearing them speak and dictating their tone. She can feel them fading away as they begin making their empty promises leading to another friendship lost for lack of convenience.

Is the same for other relationships? When do we shut people out? Why?

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