Once upon a time,
I moved from one form of stress to another. I moved from Minnesota where I'd been mentally, sexually, emotionally and spiritually abused. I moved to Kansas City where the stress wasn't brought on my wrongdoings, but situationally financial.
The trade seemed to make sense for me. I'd much rather move somewhere to receive counseling for this PTSD, away from familiarity and triggering scenery. I wanted a second chance to live my life in peace. With $300 to my name at 18-years-old, I moved to Kansas City on my own and lived with my best friend's in-laws for a while. So far, counseling had been very helpful. Being very cautious and skeptical about people and their intentions, I developed quality and few friendships.
I never knew how I'd end up paying for my rent. This move was on God's bill. When I arrived, nervous, to sign a lease for an apartment in Missouri, the landlord looked at me and told she'd had a dream where she was led to pay for my deposit and first month of rent. Umm...what?!
While receiving counseling and stretching my ability to forgive those deemed unforgivable, I'd already had headaches and been dancing with tall highs and short lows. It was a mystery each month. How was I going to pay rent? How was I even going to pay for this Go-Phone? This was the time frame where I learned what was valuable and what wasn't. Not things, but feelings. Not feelings but facts about who I am and where I'll go.
I had conversations with God no saint would want to witness. On my knees, infuriated and breaking, "Why is this happening? I wanted and was supposed to have life easy! My Dad had his own business, Mom a phenomenal nurse. Why did this happen? Why do I have to do this alone? God, help me; what more can I give up to gain more? Become visible and tell me, show me! Help me!"
Each month, anonymous envelopes, checks from people who knew nothing of my financial situation, people with groceries climbing up their arms and car keys with gas cards, came to my mailbox and door. At this time, I decided I'd start dating too. That was a foolish blessing. This guy tutored Justin Bieber. When he came back from tours, I was treated like a princess eating amazing food, dressing to the nines and living in a way that I felt peace and that everything would be okay.
When I'd walk down the sidewalk of this weed and oriental food scented apartment, my roommates would yell, "Here comes Hollywood!". I'd remove my heals and prepare for bed, asleep on the always-deflating air mattress in my empty bedroom.
Financial favor became mine so often that my roommates had been asking me to pray for them. There was something supernatural in what was happening. God was truly taking care of me.
"Consider the birds of the sky: They don't sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
- Matthew 6:26
Financial stresses have been linked to migraine, cardiovascular disease, insomnia, absences from work, and more...your finances and the amount of stress you feel as a result can cause you to engage in a variety of unhealthy behaviors, from overeating to smoking to experiencing feelings of hopelessness and depression.
During those first years in Kansas City, I experienced the power of prayer. I experienced mind over matter and truth in those without vision will perish and ask and receive.
I never asked people for help, I asked God.
Things have changed so much since my humble beginnings. Now, I am in a different time with a 2018 Kia Soul, an adorable and comfortable daybed, a writing desk, plants, very nice shampoo brands and I am a student while an entrepreneur. I've written an autobiography and find evening rest possible when I know I've made a difference by day.
Entrepreneurship is an entirely different gamble. The rules are the same, to keep vision and to ask and receive as prayer is powerful.
It's easier to maintain mind over matter when you have $0 and student loans coming in. When you hit negative, that's enough to shoot you into lingering panic attacks and even depression! I cannot believe that there are people who experience this multiple times throughout their lives!
Having fluidity and consistency, then surprises shattering confidence in themselves, their ability to retire and more.
Since breaking off a toxic relationship to a guy who was terrible with finances, I dove into accountability immediately to help build myself up. I utilized an amazing financial planner. Now, with mentorship and accountability, a financial planner covering business finances, I am doing pretty well. Still, unsure of what finances will look like tomorrow sometimes due to hiccups, companies and flukes- regardless the situation, the dilemma, the support or not, I've committed to prayer and to transparency.
What if you're financially stressed? Tell people. Ask for help (more work, advise, etc). Know that this too shall pass, maybe like a kidney stone, but it will pass. Your worth is not based on what you have, what you want or the amount of money you do have. I believe that my business will flourish! As it does, so will other ventures of mine! I'll be able to afford traveling with my family, living in other countries, returning home to passive income!
The hard work is now.
- maintaining vision
This too shall pass. Everything is going to be okay, because you overcame the valley before....you will again. I hope that for you, regardless to how often you have already experienced a financial drought, that you will find gratitude in what you have over bitterness and depression for what you do not have.
I find encouragement in watching "Walt Before Mickey". He couldn't have it all without vision, support (his "get-it-gang) or keeping his mind over his matter. Look at him now! You can do it too!