Transparency + Privacy

We live in a society that considers it normal and correct to suppress how you feel if it does not promote other's happiness. Is this okay? Is this safe? Is this wise?

With Pinterest and Instagram, we promote the perfected life. With Facebook we promote our businesses and things can get a little dicey with political promotions and debates. On our dating sight profiles we promote the best version of ourselves and keep our shadows far from our truth until we've met the person and gotten to know them well enough/have been dating for a while.

What if....we were honest everywhere and always?

What if....we still had boundaries with how much we share while unafraid to be honest about our weaknesses?

What if....people could accept only honesty and empathize with it?

What if....we were open books balancing a healthy level of privacy?

My website blogs and my autobiography are not going to promote my Bumble account profile once a bae discovers these site links. I am honest and feel called to this transparency so that others experiencing like-situations would not feel alone, misunderstood or as if they cannot carry on any further.

I often wonder if this means I could potentially be single the rest of my life. Does this scare guys away? It probably might. It probably is intimidating.

What if....we were honest everywhere and always? If I were honest and always, regardless the person who asks or the circumstances, then people might feel betrayed. This 100% honesty always might throw others under the bus. Because we know something does not mean we must share it. Sometimes, withholding some information is best for others. For example, I wouldn't have struggled with nightmares if I did not know about the vivid and horrific details of my best friend's postpartum suicide. My coping could have been easier to pursue as I grieved. While I appreciate knowing and found a little piece of closure in knowing, the truth has haunted me and held me back.

Maybe so many people support you and those who don't shared why. Maybe that information only places doubt and fear into a grey cloud over your head. Maybe it was unnecessary for you to learn. We may always be honest, however, we must use wisdom in when and with whom to share information with.

What if....we still had boundaries with how much we share while unafraid to be honest about our weaknesses? This is where boundaries must come into play. I have many friends! Some friends have been mine since middle and high school. Other friends are new. Some friends from my younger days have built a history with me that calls for boundaries. Even some newer friends can't yet be trusted with all of my shadows or honesty. So I discern the relationship situation and decide what information I can share with each person. I have a friend today that I've had for years! I cannot share certain information with her because it would provoke judgement, fear and anxiety for her. I feel alright and confident in my truths and do not feel the need for her approval in these areas. So while I share so much with her, when I need support, when I want a study partner, when I need to cry about a boy, I raise the boundaries around religious and political stances. This is healthy, normal and wise. We may have close relations with people even with healthy boundaries. This is not keeping secrets, this is respecting people and serving them unconditional love.

What if....people could accept only honesty and empathize with it? If people were able to deal or cope well with 100% honesty, they would need also to be very empathetic and non-biased. They would require unconditional love. This would be beautiful! Amazing! I hope to have this will all people I connect with! I do have some friends that I can absolutely connect with at this level. Regardless to what I say, believe or change my mind about, these people love me and root for me. I believe that if this were something people were capable of, then that would be enough love and support for a person to promote their dreams even while being doubted by others. It creates a firm foundation to dream and succeed on. All we need is to feel we belong, regardless to decisions we make or believe in. It would be a beautiful world! It is a beautiful world, when you find that "get-it-gang" loving you unconditionally.

What if....we were open books balancing a healthy level of privacy? As you know, I am an open book. I wrote my juiciest, most tragic and honest stories down and will publish them for the world to read. My skeletons will officially be out of my closet and performing public readings across the states for others to gain a sense of connection and empathy in their circumstances. Meanwhile, off the stage and out of the books, I will remain open and I will do so with balancing a healthy level of privacy.

I consider dating a lot with this. I don't typically desire to discuss my book while on dates. I don't want to talk about religion or beliefs right away unless I've learned the guy is super open minded or like-minded. I want to project my best self! I want to feel cute, intelligent, normal and without sympathy over my past. I want to be known for who I am today. Therefore, I have that boundary. Whether you pay for my book or you are actually my boyfriend and we've been dating for a long time, I may not share the details of my past. It must be earned over time so that I can breathe easy, be present and celebrate who I am and not what has happened to me then.

As someone who always promotes transparency, know that I also promote boundaries and privacy. We must always consider the balance; to be extremely for or against something is black and white and darling, hardly anything is black and white.

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