Inspired by real conversations
Eager to sit down in her new screened-in porch, we put on our large socks and grabbed our flannel tops. Large fake-fur blankets covered our legs while coffee warmed our hands.
We never drank the coffee, we just let it warm our hands. Neither of us really like the taste, but the smell and the warmth made it worth the Keurig's effort! What we really wanted was this conversation. What we really needed was this time to breathe, to return to dreaming and to remember that we are safe, we have shelter, we have income and we are fed. We will be okay.
"If he says that word once more, I'm going to order more Xanax. My whole life has been made here. I want nothing but to be out near the Atlantic Ocean, writing from my tiny home and changing the world as I see fit. His dreamland doesn't allow me to do that. But I can't just let go of him..."
"You can. What do you want to do there? Why out East?"
"Out there I can be my own person, away from all the persons who tried to correct me or improve me. Can I not be loved as I am? These ideas that I need to improve scare me. What if this good thing now results as other relationships have? Controlling, manipulative, abusive...I'm scared."
"What is your dream out East?"
"I wish for a private space that I can choose to share with others! Like, I'd make it a rental when I'm traveling elsewhere promoting my book! I want to write more books there. I want to have a place that's just mine.I know I'd want to be there all the time. Writing, taking breaks at bay. Maybe I'm living in a houseboat rather. New air, similar weather to what I'm used to, but new people and writing prompts all around me! I could open my Psychology practice there! It's beautiful, there's water, new animals and mammals. New food! New, everything. Things I'm to write about and people I feel meant to support."
"I want to go there too. I've always wished to live in the Carolina's. I'm not sure where exactly. I'm obsessed with Nicholas Sparks and he's really inspired this vision for sure. I want to live that "Eat. Pray. Love" life!"
"What's holding you back?"
"Nothing. I am saving my money, freeing up my time for friends and family this year before I travel everywhere and to the Carolina's. I am going to do it. It may not look as people want it to. I may never marry or have kids and I am okay with that. I just want different. That's what makes me happy. Keeping an open mind, an open heart and loving people well from that state of mind. I like to feel free."
"Girl, you're speaking right to my heart. I want this freedom and this excitement! You must have had to say no to many things. Just to keep your budget growing and to keep making good habits that propels you toward being able to travel alone and to other countries?"
"It's been challenging and now it's my new norm."
"You've talked me off a cliff. This is my life and I am the most valuable investment I will ever make. I want marriage and kids! I want stability. I will always require freedom too. I also want different, like you. You're a real God-send, Ana. This conversation is what I've needed."
"As you should! I don't know what will happen after my travels or if my travels will always be. I can change my mind and that's ok if I change it many times."
"You're right. We can."
We both sipped on our coffee reluctantly. One sip, a pinch in the eyes and slow swallow. We watched as the leaves fell and remembered that we are the most powerful people in our lives. How we respond the situations, relationships and the world is up to us. It is by us that we will impact others or not, that we will live a happy life or not.
My conversations with Ana are always amazing. We talk each other through hard things without a conditional love or respect for one another. It is unique, always timely and in sync more often than we recognize. Find yourself an Ana.
What will you do to keep the peace? Keep hope alive? To see your wildest dreams come true?
I dare you to do it.