What stresses you out? What makes breathing, a natural bodily function, so challenging? What stands in the way of you making a good decision? What sets the fire from where you freak out at people or about situations, losing your cool and making you feel and look like a wreck?
T A K E A DEEP B R E A T H
Digress Empathize Evaluate Perspective
Digress: Step away from the situation and breath; counting backwards from 10, going outside, listening to a favorite song, saying a prayer, or pursuing another practice allowing you to find peace apart from the stressor.
Empathize: Is this stressor by a relationship, by a situation brought up at work, or within a group setting? If by relationship, consider that the other person did have good intentions, allowing you to step back and see a bigger picture, resulting in you being more level headed. If a situation, imagine zooming out on the stressor to allow space for problem solving from an outsider's perspective. Try to do this alone, for when we share our stressor immediately with our loved ones too soon, our loved ones want to protect us and may give biased feedback, ultimately fueling your stress
Evaluate: In this phase, practice problem solving.
Is this relationship toxic (the same feelings have been provoked time and time again, without signs of an attempt to change from either party)
Is this situation simply something you cannot do alone and need to delegate support?
Is this something you're meant to do on your own rather, and need to try working without others?
It's a toxic relationship Good to know! Now, humble yourself to know that it could be two people clashing in personalities making it a toxic relationship for the both of you, not just one. Never peg yourself the victim but the victor. This isn't time to pity yourself for who you chose to be in relationship with, but time for you to consider if you cease the relationship or communicate a need for change in communication, roles, ect.
Sometimes, best friends get along better when they don't live together. Sometimes, people have a better relationship when they are not working for each other. Consider what will harvest a relationship with self, the other and apart best.
I can't do this alone. What support would benefit you most? Sometimes, it's difficult to ask for help because we either feel weak as we ask, or we fear someone won't do things the way we want them to. Be open to support and recognize, that if we ask for help, we ought to be grateful before being picky about how it comes.
I need to do this on my own. Some people get so used to having help that it becomes easy for them to build and maintain codependent on other's. It is important that we try our best to do as much as we can do alone, strengthening our ability to problem solve and find contentment in less being more. Don't be afraid to let go of some responsibilities, say no to some activities and try to do this on your own!
Perspective: What did you learn from this situation? Maybe you learned to raise boundaries? Maybe you learned the types of personalities you work with and clash with? Maybe you need more help or to try to do more things on your own, meaning to lighten your load? Find the positive on the situation. Find the learning experience and see how it has strengthened you!
T A K E A DEEP B R E A T H