Dishonesty places rocks in my stomach. I'm on the other side of the looking glass now, experiencing a fear of the judgmental and opinionated people from another perspective; a viewpoint I once carried. By my own experience as someone with a like-mind, I know how heavy such opinions and judgment can weigh.
I once believed everything that other Christians said and anything in tandem with other's standards for me was the way, the truth and the life.
The truth is, the way is through Life (Jesus) and not people, nor their tall standing convictions. Reality is that the way for one person isn't always the way for another. In the Bible, Jesus offers his advice and as followers, we then dissect it to decipher his reasoning. Alas, God never abandoned people who chose another route.
I am a Christian woman living with my boyfriend before marriage. Wild card: Everyone who has known me (really known me) supports me. Even if they themselves wouldn't choose the route I'm taking, I am still shown love and support.
Many want to know details from here. Our details are private and personal, romantic and sentimental between the two.
When I consider my relationship with my boyfriend, being dishonest mirrors it and I cannot stand this discomfort.
I am not uncomfortable due to not following an invisible commandment. Honestly, until I am in conversations with said people, I feel complete peace and feel in utter bliss in my decisions to be living with him.
The rocks pile in my stomach over the thought that one wouldn't be able to keep their opinions to themselves and see just that; I am happy and so at peace that I'd do something out of the order I once strictly followed as to dive into the peace and joy I feel in this relationship!
When I say, "we" are moving in May, I am not just talking about my cat, Lady and I. I am talking about my boyfriend, his dog, my cat and I.
Now, I don't mean to sound defensive in this blog post, but I mean to shed light on the conditional love and support so many give all while promoting unconditional love.
Now I understand. I can look back on the conversations I've had with others who wouldn't come to youth group with me or come to the bonfire party where I hosted my other Christian friends. These friends never felt they could truly be themselves; honest and unafraid of ungodly standards or differing convictions.
You know, I actually feared that in posting this blog, I might lose relationships and even readers for The Girl Who Cried Forgiveness! I have had so much fear and shame over this exciting leap I've taken, because the glaring eye is strong. Now, I am raising my white flag and throwing a handful of confetti over my friends and family who know me well enough to know that my plan for me is as rich and beautiful as God's plan for me. My plans are actually with God and through prayer and peace. I will not worry anymore, I will not mask my truth.
I am a live-in girlfriend before marriage and I'm okay with it. In absolute bliss about it!