"We preach most what we need most."
Yesterday, I shared a little bit about boundaries. Mel Robbins once said,
"Toxic people make you think you're holding a grudge, when you're really holding a boundary."
I went on to share how our boundaries with one person will not totally mimic boundaries with another person. We have many relationships in our lives. Relationships with those in our family, the friends we've chosen, coworkers and bosses, our acquaintances and those we influence. Boundaries for each person will differ, especially when considering boundaries with people who manipulate or, have hurt us before. What about the responsibility of boundaries in a relationship with our self? Typically, boundaries protect you regardless the relationship you're in, but on your own, without anyone else, how do you protect your peace? How are you tending to your mental health using these boundaries?
When someone attempts to make you feel guilty about setting and respecting your own boundaries, this person is exampling a toxic characteristic, and my advice is to step away from that relationship, developing solid boundaries. When you're not abiding by your own convictions and boundaries, where do you move forward? I find it best to take a seat and revaluate.
Each person comes with their different background and unique triggers, so again, our boundaries will differ from person to person, including the boundaries we set for our self.
So far, in the year 2020, I learned a lot more about myself. I learned how far I've come from a dark and broken place and I celebrated! I learned what brings me peace, as well as what stirs my anxiety. I learned how to place myself in spaces and relationships that that feed me best. I also want to be able to contribute to these relationships. This knowledge about our self is powerful, but the response to it requires courage.
What boundary lines have you noticed you require? I concretely need time alone in the mornings. If I spend my morning to myself, with instrumental music or a positive psychology podcast, with my hot chai tea latte, then a steam shower before a quiet drive to my first destination, I am then ready to seize the day!
I learned that a day that hasn't started in prayer tends to be the rockiest. During my quiet drives, I pray out loud for myself, the people I will see, and the people on my heart in that moment. My boundary lines protect this time from interruption when I set my phone to "Do Not Disturb" until I've arrived to my first destination. My boundary lines for me protect me from being codependent on what others think and feel about me and prohibit me from projecting onto others, some undigested pain I may be carrying.
Sometimes we can say how we feel and do it our best, but others still misunderstand us or read us wrong. This may not require boundaries but rather help us communicate better. Perhaps this where we learn who we can nonverbally communicate to, and who requires verbal communication. It is very important to understand boundaries when considering communication.
Again, knowledge is power, but the response to it requires courage. It isn't always easy to make a change for the betterment of ourselves, but seems easier for most to make changes for others. What can we do for ourselves that helps us to respond to others healthier? Do we give up something? Do we spend less time on our phone and more time in prayer or meditation? Do we do less so we can be more involved/more present?
Amidst global shifts and drastic changes, I began dating, moved in with my boyfriend, got engaged and we bought our first home within. This all happened within the first 6 months of our relationship! We've learned much more about one another and ourselves in this time. We've learned how much patience we should try to gain, how to communicate with one another, and how to make sure we've taken care of ourselves so that we can show up for each other, rather than coming to one another drained or grumpy.
In this, I am more self-aware of how I need to direct myself concerning how I spend my time, my energy and my words. It's best for me to surround myself with people who radiate peace. I feel I am growing in my ability to care for myself as a preventative notion blessing my relationships. If I find self-awareness and humility, I might be slow in anger and rich in love when approaching a crossed boundary line with someone. I might then be able to register when I need to apologize rather than pridefully await an apology.
1. What are your boundary lines concerning self-care?
2. How do you assure you are filling your tank and avoiding spilling spoiled pieces (projecting) onto others?
Be sure to take care of yourself well before telling everyone else how to live their life. For that may be crossing a boundary line.