Updated: Sep 16, 2019
I am a Christian. I have believed in Jesus Christ as the son of God and this invisible King who protects me, delights in me and desires the best for me. When I first dedicated my life to Christianity, I was quite judgmental, close-minded and acted out of a very conditional love. Unless you were just like me, black and white, I wasn't even sure we could be friends let alone date. Over the years, I've been privately challenging myself out of this bubble of thought and persecution. If you know me, you know I seemingly enjoy bubble popping as I believe it can relieve us from a closed mindset enabling us in conditional love. "I will love if you do and think and say as I do!"
This may be hard for some people to accept. I am not saying I do not need to have things in common with the guy I am with. That's how he and I will connect! By having things in common from spiritual to financial and perspectives to desires. Still, some may want to convince me that my way of thinking I do not need a devout Christian man is wrong and tell me what I should believe. That's not going to work...I have been impressed by unconditional love more than I have the conditional love more Christians have pursued than not.
I have had two serious relationships in my life. One with a Pastor's son and another with one raised Christian. I needed more than that belief system in order to continue in a relationship with them. Their ability to love unconditionally, to be forgiving, empathetic/understanding and so on, was not there. Still, when friends or family ask, "Is he a Christian?" and we say yes, that's enough to let go of worry and accept the person. I do not feel that should be the case.
Learning perspectives outside of your foundational belief systems is wise. This way you can exercise that free will to decide for or against something; you can either agree to disagree or change your mind. That is alright! If you didn't change your mind from time to time I think I'd be concerned.
That said, my idea of a solid relationship was once heavily based on, "Is he a christian?" If I couldn't answer "yes, and we have the same convictions and desire for people beneath the same umbrella of ministry" then some friends would disapprove and maybe even boycott my relationship decision.
I'll admit now that I have changed my mind.
Now, I do believe that to have my morals and similar convictions in common with a man would make things easier short and long term; I feel that would make the decision making process together, much silkier. For me, as long as he is not Agnostic or Atheist, I think I could love just about anyone despite our spiritual belief system. Naturally, I would not desire an extremist of any sort, politically or spiritually, for or against any one thing. I feel that when someone becomes defensive about a world view, they have a deeper issue than what it is they are arguing and that's uncomfortable to me.
Maybe he is a Christian, maybe he's not. Maybe he loves people more than the Christian community of people I know. My question for myself in this process of elimination via dating apps is, "Does he love unconditionally?"
This is what is more attractive to me. He can love people in general, regardless their belief systems, convictions and so on. We would grow together and adapt to one another, becoming one. I highly doubt I'd ever let go of my faith in Jesus with how much I believe He has pulled me out of dark and deep valleys or provided for me. It is a love that can't be shattered because someone else doesn't agree.
My relationship with God is not for others and it is not meant to sway others. It is for God and I. It will affect everything I pursue. That's for me...if he isn't a Christian, I'm not intimidated. If he doesn't value a good moral and value system, then I'm concerned. I believe my God is bigger than me and loves better than myself and anyone I know. If it's His will that my bae loves and surrenders to Him, so be it! God will do it, I'm not here to convert anyone to think like me.
Is he safe? Is he funny? Ambitious? Is he as goofy and quirky as me? Does he carry wanderlust and respect my entrepreneurial mind? Can he love my friends and family and strangers well?
My question in the process of elimination is no longer, "Is he a Christian?". It is "Does he love unconditionally like the Man I look up to most?"