"Emotional resilience refers to one’s ability to adapt to stressful situations or crises. More resilient people are able to "roll with the punches" and adapt to adversity without lasting difficulties; less resilient people have a harder time with stress and life changes, both major and minor."
When an experience builds onto pain, trauma, control and manipulation and the response lingers far longer than the experience lasted itself; we could find ourselves in a compromising state and easily triggered by anything in the likes of this experience. Reminders of noted crises could shoot us into anxiety, hold us under bitterness and prohibit us from a truly free life. We might be capable of adapting to strict ideas demanding us to be who we are according to someone else.
Who are you according to yourself and your experiences?
I consider my chaos and trauma and I hone in on the present time. As is, I feel peace, confidence, independence and awareness of myself and others. I see my worth and I act accordingly to that. Owning and knowing that my convictions are mine, my relationship with God and with people, my world view and belief system; it is all meant to be for me and not against me. Sometimes, other people have tried to use my own desires as a weapon against me and that's just not cool.
At one point, any major or minor stressful situation could have catapulted me into my grave. Any feeling of not being approved of nor accepted would have made me itch for days to the point that I'd nearly scratch myself up with fear of never being understood, loved unconditionally or supported wholeheartedly. My real concern should have been this fear of never being understood, loved or wholeheartedly supported by myself.
Are you emotionally resilient? When something unexpected and perhaps unkind or unjust occurs in your life, what is your response? Do you problem solve being slow to anger and rich in love? Do you give space for the situation to breath and enough space from the harm of the situation, so that you are protected? So that your time to process what you believe in and for is protected?
With emotional resilience, freedom and contentment may no longer be something we feel we must fight for in order to behold. Rather, we carry it, cradle it and stay clear of anyone trying to say that it's wrong.
For me this happens a lot in circles of people who feel it alright to brush their convictions or world views onto you as though you must agree. If you don't agree, you've made it to the top of their prayer list. You have a problem. You are not good enough or trying hard enough; you are sliding far from your identity as they see it.
What do you do here? When multiple people who proclaim they know their identity question yours, as if you know yourself the least...what do you do?
1. Talk to you: Take a step back before responding to someone's correction of you and answer to yourself and for yourself.
What do you believe about the situation and your responses here?
Are you okay with how you're feeling?
Do you feel at peace with how you are responding to this situation?
Understand that you are the most powerful person in your life.
2. Talk with friends To the people who've known you for so long and during that time, have loved you well.
As you've grown, as you've made mistakes, these people have loved you unconditionally, despite differences. They've loved you wholeheartedly, meaning without needing something from you or for you to act a specific way.
Ask them for affirmations and confirmations of your character and ugly sides.
Trust they will share with you, then, if you need to take a back seat and consider how you see and accept the world, based on your usual world view.
It is okay to change your mind as we grow and learn new things or experience new things.
3. Accept and Deny Accept who you are and deny who you are not, according to the situation or crises.
When you deny, know that this is something you can do for yourself and by yourself. It is not something you must do with the other person because chances are, they won't hear you if they believe that they are right and you are wrong.
Chances are, your situation doesn't have a real mouth and you have to shut up these invisible shooting lies for yourself, out loud and without a person to respond to.
Accept truth and deny what's petty.
When you find that you can hold carry yourself in love and honor, respect and wholeheartedly, you will be able to walk in peace and contentment. This is quite the gift to strive for! True freedom.