Updated: Dec 23, 2019
There are two things in life that are inevitable: Change and death. As we move through our lives, growing and expanding, learning new things, writing and believing by our experiences; we have every opportunity to find our true selves. We have every opportunity to change our minds from time to time. We have the freedom to do so. Regardless of how changing our minds affects others, we can decide to be for something today and not for it tomorrow. I am not encouraging a constant inconsistency, rather, freedom to It is courteous to consider other people impacted by your change in mind, however, people pleasing is never
I have found that I need time. Sometimes, I need time and space to think for myself without lean by the opinions surrounding me. It is important for me to have room to assure myself that my choice is my choice and my beliefs are my own. I require to feel that I am an independent person capable of forming a thought for myself and responding well to it, as I see fit.
I have always been a cageless bird seemingly soaring around other's golden cages. Some people have wished I would easily conform to their convictions, to fall in love with their likes and dislikes, hobbies and habits, world view and attitudes. Many of these people in mind have hoped I would adapt so much that I would become just who they wished I would be, rather than who I am.
Some call it stubborn when I say no, I call it being free and confident that being who I am is fair and good. I wish to remain this cageless bird, dodging every appealing cage I'm tried for placement.
There have been enough people in my life trying to correct me for selfish gain. About every 10 years, I have recognized that people filter through a "keep" or "fade" system. Some fade away temporarily while others are kept by an unconditional love and respect for one another, despite indifference. Those who fade seemingly must do so. It might be temporary, it might be a dramatic close, it might also be an easy moonwalk away...
My friend Steve Sipp called it years ago. He called the more toxic and dramatic scenarios shadowed by the "The Snow White Syndrome". This is when people act as the jealous, envious, selfish and evil step-mother. This evil villain preys over those who reflect the purity, goodness and authenticity and favor of the like, Snow White.
Sometimes the green person isn't all that bad, but manipulative for his or her own peace of mind. The Snow White appears naive enough to appease people in any situation if it means overflowing their own kindness and empathy. She's placed into this expectation, onto this higher standard, into that prayer request for that small group, she's expected to step into that golden cage.
Like I stated, for me, about every 10 years I seemingly and naturally filter through relationships. Many have been able to keep well and strong! I am so grateful for my relationships I've maintained throughout my life. It is fun to know someone who has known you through so many changes, storms and good times! Throughout it all, they chose just to love you and support you and when you ask for their opinion, they give it. Expectations and critique only come upon request. It's freeing, its cageless, its unconditional love and the greatest support.
Today, I warned my closest friends about my bad case of RBF today, (The Resting Bitch Face). This expression sits on my face and my hope is that writing will slough it off before work today and class tonight. I am simply fed up. How many people will I meet or need to filter through a fade-out in my life? How many have you needed to put through this filter?
Some want my business; they want me to do all the work while they reap benefits from the occasional lift of a pom-pom. Some want me to be who they met me as when I was little, and I've allowed myself to change. Some correct every damn way I phrase my words. How did I get into this world of such critical people?
Its odd to me that I just received an Inspirational Influencer award Tuesday night and have RBF today, Thursday. I imagined I'd feel proud and supported, encouraged and motivated since the International Association of Women recognized my works in such a kind and generous way. Rather, I've felt each arrow stabbing me in the back hoping it would somehow get me to do as they want and expect from me.
How do you respond to critique? How do you respond to others standards for you and expectations of you? If they do not align with how you wish to live and function, how do you respond to this?
I'm sitting here writing with my bitch face on and trying to assure my responses to these situations are appropriate. What is appropriate when you're frustrated? Perhaps, taking a minute to breath, to give to someone, to thank a good friend for being a good friend, to focus on the good so that the good gets better. That's what I'll do. For my response does not need to reflect the giant attitudes or behavior against me.
"Some people are just unique, amazing and one of a kind. You can’t put these people in a box because they weren’t born to be compartmentalized. You don’t find these people every day because they are usually a wandering free spirit, climbing a mountain or inventing something, traveling another country, or they might even be right beside you but you just haven’t recognized them because they are not like the rest of the people you know in the world. They have hearts that are golden and they always try to see the best in others, even when the best might not be found. They do the right thing, even when it isn’t popular, because it’s the right thing to do. They are friends to many, even the unpopular people and the downtrodden and they have that magnificent way of making everyone feel welcomed. They are loyal forever, even when others are not. I believe these people see the world more how God would like us all to see the world and others, but in this rigid, rule oriented world we live in, we often don’t allow ourselves to walk the path less travelled but instead we fly along on the freeway of life. " -Debi Jean
I wish for you, platonic and romantic relationships without limits and without conditions. Relationships that love you as you are and do not wish for or expect you to change who you are or how you speak or what you love. Unconditional, true love. When you respond to those who show the opposite of this wish, I hope you will respond well, keeping your kindness and goodness, maintaining your character in self-love rather than defense and a lingering frustration.
A Cageless Bird