She thought of me when she saw the quote, "I can and I will, watch me."
It's said with my eyes and in my posture. The desire is to be intentional in all things I pursue from business to education and from relationships to self-care.
I've been tired recently. Medication has been an itch. There are three things I silently vowed to myself:
1. I won't be an avid coffee drinker in the name of strong enamel and to lack an addiction
2. I will not take more than one necessary prescription drug
3. I will not get into credit card debt
Because I couldn't carry out number 2 due to an explosion of bottled up PTSD in August, 2019, I have needed coffee. My attitude toward it all has not been bitter still. I have not felt frustrated at myself or weaknesses, not even at what's happened to me. I am no longer a victim and so I won't pity myself as one.
Thank God my credit is great! By my attitude and self-awareness, I'll return to avoiding withdrawals from drugs including coffee and medication. Don't get me wrong, I love Xanax! Ir has helped me immensely! When my mind might freeze up by a trigger (currently being healed through the EMDR process) I can't calm myself down alone. But the damn antidepressants...I've started to wean off but am going to cut off them cold turkey. With accountability from Mom and my Psychiatrist, I agree side affects could not possibly worsen. Lingering headaches for someone who's never had headaches, lack of sleep and feeling so nauseated post-showers and hair dryers in the morning...I'm done.
My attitude has helped me to carry a strength most lay down when admitted they are weak or need help. The fact that I needed assistance or support does not automatically make me weaker. It makes me strong for recognizing it and responding well.
Taking prescription medications or receiving therapy does not mean you cannot cope well enough, it means you're like everyone else needing support but you stand out because you're actually humbling yourself to receive it. That my darling is what strong people act like. That is the attitude that has pulled me through most hard times.
Persevere, darling. You may marry, you may continue to grow in friendship with people from your childhood, but you will absolutely spend the rest of your life with yourself. Love yourself well and continue learning about yourself. This is important so that you can discern the support you need and the attitude to carry about it.
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